Bringing Up Boys who Read

As a former teacher, I heard lots of Moms tell me their sons just didn't like to read. I always enjoyed the challenge of finding that 'just right' book for the reluctant reader. But as a Grammy, I couldn't help but be concerned that maybe this was a 'boy' thing and that MY boys would not like to read either. So it's been a mission of mine to make sure that books are at their fingertips and that there's usually something new or even a golden oldie to enjoy.

Baby Bird reads during a diaper change.
Yeah, it was going to take a while to change this one.

It turns out that my daughters were way ahead of me.  Walk into my grandsons' rooms and you will instantly spy books, books,books. Books left in mid sentence, favorite books by the bed waiting to be read for the umpteenth time, a supply of books in the waiting on the bookshelf...yes, there is no shortage of books. Since before they were born, books have been there as part of their everyday lives.
Mama at Law took PDub to preschool one morning recently, and as she was leaving, she heard him talking and talking. So much so that she turned around to take a peek into his classroom. There was P reading a book. Looking over his shoulder were some of the other little boys listening intently to the story. This makes me not only proud, but hopeful. I believe that my grandsons will grow up always loving books. Yes, they will love playing video games, watching movies, playing outside, and hopefully some art and music in the mix.  But the one constant (besides my love, of course) will be the company of a good book.

"You cannot open a book without learning something."
~Confucius

"You cannot raise a decent boy without books."
~Grammy

Going Once...Going Twice...Gone!

I was waiting at the nail salon to get a manicure. Later I would go see Mom who was about an hour away in a nursing facility.  The call came first from Papallama.  "Call the Home.  They called you and want you to call. I think you need to call them."  My heart sank.  Usually, the nurses started their message with "It's not an emergency, but..." When I reached the nurse, she softly said, "I'm afraid Miss Evelyn is gone.  She passed away just a few minutes ago.  She was being fed and when the nurse turned her back to get something, your mom stopped breathing. She called for me, and by the time I got there, Miss Evelyn was gone."

I left the salon, got in my car, and headed straight for the Home.  They had been unable to reach my father and I wanted to get there to be with her.   
When I walked into her room, she was lying there in the bed.
Still. 
If you've never seen someone who has died, words fail in describing just how still they are.  Yes, she was gone.  I sat by her and wept. 

Going once...

In preparing for her funeral, my sister and I selected some jewelry, a nice jacket Mom had recently bought for a granddaughter's wedding, and we asked that her hairdresser attend to her hair.  But when we went to view her body, it was sad how little it resembled her.  I pulled out some of her lipstick for the funeral attendant to use.  It helped.  But it wasn't her. Then my sister and I realized what was missing.  Her eyes.  That's what we were missing...the sparkle in her eyes.  In fact, my sister said it used to creep her out to see Mom sleeping because her eyes were closed. No doubt about it...Mom was gone...

Going twice...

until you walked into her house.  Mom was a collector of antiques, vintage, kitsch, and it seemed that little that entered her home ever left it.  If you've seen the hoarders on reality TV, I'm afraid my mom would fall into that same category.  It got the better of her.  Rooms were impassable, doors began to close, and she became a prisoner to the stuff. My dad hated it. Called it junk.  He ridiculed her for buying it, and they argued heatedly about it.  But one thing is for certain, it wasn't junk.  It may have been a mess, a cluttered, dusty, heap.  But it was far from junk. My sister and I, who went with Mom on many an antiquing trip, knew about most of the collections, and how meticulously and methodically Mom went about acquiring her treasures.  She would wear a dealer down if it took hours to get what she wanted at the price or trade she wanted.  'No' was not an acceptable answer. 

As I walked through the once forbidden rooms, the strangest thing began to happen.  The anniversary clock she had placed on an old secretary desk would chime at what seemed to be moments when I needed a sign.  Not on the hour or quarter or half even though it was keeping time accurately.  I mentioned it to my sister and she laughed until it began to happen to her.  Even Dad, who we had not told, asked, "Why is that clock chiming now?"

Now Dad is ready to get rid of everything.  Because there is so much, the family finally agreed to hand it over to an auctioneer to pack and sell.  Forty years...gone in one week.

The packers were excited to show us the empty living room that they had not been able to walk into when they first arrived because of all the 'stuff'.  All that remained was the dusty furniture. 

For me, it was like walking into to see Mom on her death bed once more.  Not one sign of her remained. 

The clock sat still...it never chimed again after the movers came in...

Gone...

Active Duty

2012 has started with great jubilation in our family.  On New Year's Day, Baby Bird was christened with friends and family looking on in delight.  When there was applause, he studied us for a second, and then broke out in the sweetest grin. He is going to be an entertainer, for sure.  I loved the homily given by Jaybird's and Mama Cat's friend.  He talked about the importance of names, specifically the name given to Jesus.  He used Baby Bird as an example, too, and it was touching to think about the "original" for whom he and his daddy and grandfather are named.  Consistency, faithfulness, family values...virtues that are being passed on from generation to generation thanks to the examples set by him. 

Then, two days later, Mama at Law and Daddy at Law welcomed PDub's baby brother.  He bounded in at 8 pounds and 7 ounces, ready to take on the world.  PDub and I spent the week together trying to stay on schedule while Mama at Law recuperated at the hospital.  I found a book that PDub loved that is simple but to the point and very helpful for a new brother.  I'm a Big Brother, by Joanna Cole, is the perfect length and comprehension level for a three and half year old.  PDub had to read it at least once every day, and Mama at Law says he now reads it to her. 

I came back to touch base with Papallama and spend a few nights in my own bed, but I will be headed back to spend some time with the Baby P and PDub this week.  While Grammy duty commences, I leave you with the newest pictures I have.  You can be sure that more will follow. 

PDub and Baby P

Baby Bird (who is now sporting his first tooth)

Happy 2012! 

The Year in Review

The media has begun its 'year in review' and 'the year's top stories', so I started to reflect on my year and what I would pick as the top ten events.  2011 has been a humdinger, and as I looked back, I discovered something very important.  It wasn't all bad.  Here are my top ten from the past year:

1. Both my mother and my mother-in-law reached the end of their lives.  Both death certificates cite 'failure to thrive' as cause of death.  I wonder if that's the new term for 'natural causes'.  Neither of them failed to thrive in their lives.  Both grew up in low income homes.  My mom sold violets to earn money for food.  Her feet showed the deformity of wearing ill fitted shoes handed down from her sisters.  Lib took care of many of her 11 siblings.  They both were wonderful seamstresses and needle crafters.  They were not college educated, but could run circles around anyone with a degree.  Most of all, they were devoted to their families and were excellent mothers who made sure they raised children who would make a difference in the world.  Failure to thrive? No, not these two.  So, I suggest that the medical community come up with a better term.

2.  Another loss this year was Baby Bird's great grandfather and the Sr. for whom he is named.  I only knew this great guy through a brief encounter when Jaybird and Mama Cat were wed, but he left a lasting impression.  Like Lib and Evelyn, he was one of the ones that earned the title, "Greatest Generation".  He set an example for his sons and grandsons that I am certain is going to be handed down to Baby Bird. 

3. There were births this year.  Baby Bird was a welcome addition in late spring after losing Lib and Evelyn in March and April.  His birth signaled a new start and I was joyful again.  He has been a ray of sunshine since his birth.  Such a happy baby, he smiles and giggles and seems to say, "Life is good," over the simplest of things.  Riding in a stroller through a store...cool!  Mommy tickling me behind the ears...hysterical!  That __________ (fill in the blank)...tasty!  I never tire of seeing the world anew through my grands.

4.  The other birth was a new law practice for Mama at Law.  She was blessed to have worked with not only a gifted attorney, but also a dear friend.  While she probably thought it was a match that would last a lifetime, life once again threw a curveball.  Guess that's what we get when we think we are in control.  In the end, her new practice, I feel with all my heart, is taking her in the direction she is meant to go.  Mama at Law has a strong faith and believes that God places you where you need to be.  That faith and belief continue to be her best guide.

5.  I retired again.  Yes, I am just lousy at retirement.  I love to work, but I want to be available for my family when they need me.  So, I am working as I see fit.  Still more than I probably have time for, but not full time and on my own terms.  Retirement is starting to feel more comfortable, and I might even make it a full time endeavor in 2012.

6.  The family vacation makes my top ten.  We have visited our little slice of heaven since the girls were small.  We never know from year to year now whether we will get us all under one roof, so I am always grateful when it happens. 

7.  One thing that Papallama loves is his Gamecocks, and I love spending time with him tailgating or cheering the teams on.  This year, Papallama was president of the local Gamecock Club, and I really enjoyed the extra activities he planned.  We went to a baseball and basketball game with local members, and it was fun.  Nothing beats the football games though in Williams-Brice.  This year was exceptional.

8.  This year I was able to attend an annual reunion held by my college buddies.  I am more of a biannual attendee, so this was an on year for me.  It's wonderful to get together with them and to feel their support and love.  We have all changed since college...duh...but our affection for each other seems to be the constant that keeps us coming back to the circle.

9.  I have spent a great deal of time handling Mom's massive estate of antiques, collectibles, and curiosities.  This has educated me in history, opened my eyes to groups of collectors I never knew existed, and has kept me connected to her while spending time with Dad as well.  It has been interesting, exhausting, frustrating, and cool.  You always hear how families split up over this stuff.  I sort of get how that happens now, but I refuse to allow 'stuff' to replace 'family'.  What material object would I possibly exchange for a family member? Trade you one brother for a vase?  I don't think so.

10.  The highlight of the year (after Baby Bird, of course) has to be the trip to Jamaica that Papallama and I just took in December.  Paradise.  Perfect.  Peaceful.

So, as I look back, the year has not been as dismal as I might have thought.  Do I hope for a better 2012?  Of course.  And it's getting off to a great start. 

On Jan. 1, we will witness the Christening of Baby Bird in Charleston with his family and their friends.  On Jan. 3, Baby P will be delivered via c-section.  I'll be waiting with open arms. 

The same way I am welcoming 2012...

with open arms.

When it comes, may you, also, have a blessed New Year! 

The Gift of You

Last Sunday, Papallama and I were celebrating our 34th wedding anniversary with a stroll around Main Street when we happened upon a book signing.  I love running into events like this and meeting new authors in person.  It provides such a personal glimpse into the inspiration for the story. 

This was the such the case that afternoon.  Donna Thornton described her book, The Christmas Donkey, that she wrote for her mother as a gift.  With her mother's encouragement and urging, Donna published the story to share with all of us.  Donna's family owns a working raspberry farm in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  One year a wee donkey was born and named Drupelet just like the bump on the raspberry that produces the drop of juice.  In the story, Drupelet was pretty satisfied with life on the farm until he happened upon a pasture where he saw, for the first time, the beautiful horses with their glossy coats and long, slender legs.  Drupelet very much wanted to belong to this group of equines, but his mother admonished him.  They would have no interest in a common donkey.  Drupelet's feelings were bruised, and he was no longer satisfied playing among his other farm friends like before.  Then, at the beginning of winter, a truck arrived with a trailer.  Drupelet was loaded on and taken on a short ride to a small town up the road.  What he saw next was the strangest sight.  There were sheep, goats, and even three camels.  Humans were dressed in heavy garments and they placed a baby human on a manger of hay!  For hours that evening, people walked by and watched.  Drupelet stayed very still.  When he returned to the farm, he told his story to all of his farm animal friends.  Buster, the wise barn cat, had seen an event such as this before and explained to Drupelet that he had been chosen to represent the donkey that Mary, the mother of Jesus, rode into Bethelem so her baby could be born exactly where the Bible said he would be born.  Now Druplet was filled with joy and understood his purpose.  He knew he didn't have to be a race horse to be important.  He was meant to be a Christmas donkey!

My favorite line is this. "It takes the single drupelet and MANY others for the fruit to be beautiful and delicious."

We all have a purpose, a gift, something meaningful to give.  Donna's mother has the gift of growing beautiful gardens.  Donna's gift is writing beautiful stories.  Lynne Pryor uses her gift to illustrate it. 

I think (and hope) the story will touch someone who in some way has felt left out, put down, unimportant, or disappointed.  Perhaps it will help PDub and Baby Bird understand to accept themselves and recognize the gifts in others. We all have a purpose, a small, yet important role in the bigger story.

Go ahead and open your gift and have a very Merry Christmas!

He's Coming to Town!

No, not Santa.  PDub!  But in a way, he's bringing Christmas with him.

Being three this year, it's like PDub is seeing Christmas for the first time all over again.  When he got home from Thanksgiving, his mama read The Elf on the Shelf book to him and "Diesel", the elf, made a reappearance in his home.  PDub was awestruck.  The first person he looked for the next morning was Diesel, and he laughed with glee when he discovered him peeking out from behind the blinds.  For him, the magic of elves is real. 

For Grammy, though, this is already starting out to be a less than jolly season.  Shopping in stores with knickknacky signs that talk about mothers and daughters, not racking my brain over what to get Lib and Evelyn, and missing my phone calls and visits with Mom is taking its toll. 

So I am really looking forward to some Christmas spirit this weekend!  Thank you, God, for sending him (and Him) to me to remind me that your love is not only magic...

It's real.

Thanks for the Memories!

It's been a wonderful family filled Thanksgiving holiday and the house is much too quiet now that everyone has headed home.

Last minute changes meant that Mama Cat and Jaybird could spend Thanksgiving with us!  Papallama and I were excited to get some time with Baby Bird who is changing every single day!  He is sitting and cooing and grabbing and eating...so much activity for one little guy!  Mama at Law and her family have in laws close by, so we were all comfortable and had enough 'space' physically and mentally.

When we gather at our Thanksgiving table, we share what we are thankful each year.  (Family and health are givens, so everyone must think of something else.)  While PDub is thankful for jump castles, Papallama is thankful for shared memories.  He explained how shared memories connect us as a family.  See why he is our 'Llama'?

We sure added some memories to the book this year.

Mama Cat brought tons of snacks and kept the table full of goodies for us.  My favorites were the little acorns made from Hershey kisses and Nutter Butters.  I knew they were cute, but also yummy, too, oh my...glad they are all gone from my reach now!

Mama at Law was given a reprieve from cooking this year since just being here eight months pregnant is enough.  Plus, she is starting a new law firm, so her 'plate' was already full, so to speak.  It was fun to watch some of the plans come together 'virtually' as she and her partner shopped via email and MMS.  Can't wait to see it soon! 

The boys set up the turkey fry camp complete with satellite TV and a jumperoo for the youngest boy.  They cooked THE perfect turkey once again. 

Mama Cat and I braved Black Friday and had fun shopping for decorations and gifts.  A marathon wrapping session followed and I sent her home with a sleigh full of presents to put under one of her two Christmas trees.  Can't wait to see her retro Christmas this year!

PDub was a wonderful big cousin to Baby Bird who was enthralled with him.  He is going to be a great big brother!  Baby Bird won't be much longer in being able to follow him around.  He is sitting up and creeping all around the crib. 

On Saturday, Mama Cat and Jaybird headed home while Mama and Daddy at Law joined us for an afternoon of tailgating at the Palmetto Bowl.  While we pull for different teams, we are not divided in our loyalty to each other.  While my team got the win this year, the best part of the day was being there with them.

So overall, it was a wonderful, fullfilling holiday and like the other team is saying today...

~Wait until next year!